Attended a wedding today. It was good to see IVCC members once again. After graduation, weddings are the only time when you get to at least see one another. As time passes, there are more and more couples and their babies appearing at weddings!
I personally find attending weddings interesting. Many things to be learnt and observed.
1) The marriage begins AFTER the wedding. You have a grand wedding (a celebration) to commemorate the starting point of your journey as husband and wife. You start with bang, because marriage is indeed one of the significant journeys of life.
2) Babies are interesting things to watch. Sorry rephrase. Babies and their parents. Babies demand for attention. Babies need lots of care. Babies are fragile. At weddings, you can really see how different sets of parents respond to their babies. But one thing in common is how all the parents are constantly attending to their babies (albeit in different ways). It is interesting to observe how they hug and hold their babies, especially when the baby cries. And it is at weddings that if you just shut your mouth and start listening to the conversations around, you'll hear statements like, "Taking care of kids is so difficult / tough", "Mine refuses to sleep", etc etc.
I find this interesting. I think parenting / parenthood is a reflection of our relationship with our Heavenly Father, though an incomplete one in the sense that all humans are not perfect and have limitations, unlike God. Having been on the receiving side (as a child), I think it is one of the mini mini sub-reflections of God's love for us. And those who are parents in any way, I think it is also a sub-reflection, an experience of love (when I become a parent one day I can tell you more) :)
As babies grow up, the way their parents treat them differ too. I think it's the same with our Heavenly Father. I can so go on and on about this but I'll leave you, my dear reader to ponder upon the parallels between parent-child relationship and our relationship with our Dear Papa.
3) the subject of marriage. It is at weddings that singles like me get questions like, "So when's your turn?" or "Do you have someone special now?"
After thinking about this for a long long time (trust me, really long) :), these are my thoughts:
a) Whether single or married, is it really important? I guess I would say my stance now is that marriage is NOT the most important thing in life. It is, no doubt, one of the important things in life, but not THE most important thing in life.
So what's the MOST important thing in life?To glorify Him. To serve Him with who He has created us to be, our personalities, our limitations, our strengths, our gifts.
To find UTMOST FULFILLMENT and CONTENTMENT in His Presence.
b) to be single - walking down this path is lonely in the sense that you don't have someone with you throughout your life, that is until your spouse dies, of course. Nobody to come home to, nobody there to share your cares and worries, nobody to listen to you, nobody to share your ups and downs. But then again, it doesn't mean that if you're married all these are going to happen automatically. And it also doesn't mean that even if you have one of the most wonderful marriages and spouse, your spouse will be there for you forever - death and disabilities lurk anywhere and anytime. Also if you're single, it doesn't mean that you're lonely and alone, it's how you live your singlehood.
Being single - your spouse is the Lord. The advantage is not having to attend to family's needs and wants, and thus you can devote your whole energies to serving the Lord.
c) marriage - I think marriage is a determining point in life. Wrong timing, wrong person; the whole direction and energy of your life changes. Right timing, right person; and this union strengthens two individuals to corporately serve the Lord.
I think marriage is a wonderful sub-reflection and expression of our being, a beautiful gift from God. For it is in close and intimate relationships that
our being has the space and freedom
to be, to express itself. I think
BEING is a gift from God, for God Himself says,
I am. I am who I am. Intimacy between human beings is a wonderful thing.
However, marriage is hard work. And as elaborated in point b), it doesn't mean that you'll have your spouse with you always, till your old age. Some ppl become widowed young, for God loves their spouse more than they do :)
And because marriage is a lot about BEING, it is wrong to have the notion that two incomplete ppl complete each other. There will be a lot of problems with such a mindset and pre-condition. To have a stable and satisfying marriage (and all relationships especially close relationships actually), each individual must be stable and independent of the other, and not look to the other person to complete him / her. Otherwise there will be many problems.
Another point I have been thinking about is not just about timing, but choice of spouse. I have seen one or two real-life people who have been passionate for the Lord, but after marriage their spouse pours cold water on their passions (especially when they share their frustrations with their spouse), thus after some time, their fire dies down. I shall not mention any names here :)
On the other hand, the right choice of spouse (note that I use the word
right, not
perfect) means that in the marriage the union of two individuals strengthens one another, for the benefit of the Kingdom of God.
Conclusion:If you're single, you're most likely seen as inadequate as you're 'lonely' and 'alone'.
However, even if you're married, you are still as inadequate as the single, as no human being is perfect, as 'perfect' as your spouse is. You and your spouse are both still inadequate human beings who in no way are able to complete one another and meet ALL of each other's needs. Because that is something that only God can do. Coz if you look to your spouse to meet all your needs, your marriage is bound to fall apart (any friendship / relationship for that matter actually) :)
Having said all that, do I desire for marriage?
I refrain from saying a 'yes' or a 'no' but I shall say this at this point of time:
If one is unable to find full contentent and fulfillment in the Lord, he / she should not think about marriage first. For whether single or married, our lives are to be lived with God, for God and in God. Even though the fact that I'm already 27 hits me right in the face, especially when I go for IVCC members' weddings!!!
P.s: I
think the past year and this year, YOU have sent and will continue to send many different individuals into my path; imparting wisdom, touching my life, giving me different experiences. Also their very lives speak in different ways and manner. YOU continue to amaze me. I hope I've been a blessing in some way instead of a pain in the ass :) Help me be a blessing to others.
A slow learner learns very slowly, but at least he / she learns! :)
2010: A year of clarity, (hopefully) a year of victory! :)
soli de gloria!
